Megan Bolland

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Episode XXXVIII - TikTok
(episode 38 of 46)

(In the White House briefing room, Kayleigh McEnany opens the press briefing with an unexpected announcement.)

“Good afternoon.  Contrary to what all of you have reported, the President has no intention of banning the Chinese social media platform TikTok from operating in the United States.  In fact, he has never had any such intentions.  Once again, the Fake News has gotten the story all wrong.”

Reporter: “So there is no TikTok ban?”

“Did I say there is no tic tock ban?  No, I didn’t say that.  Why don’t you listen to what I say, for a change?  The President’s ability to concentrate on his ball swinging thingy in the Oval Office has been seriously impaired by the large grandfather clock there and its loud “tic tock” noise.  Therefore, he has banned this “tic tock” from the Oval Office.  He has also banned the use of “Tic Tac” candy from the Oval Office.  Too many people were spitting out the new flavor and denting his ball swinging thingy.  I hope that clears things up.”

(Flashback to three days prior to Kayleigh’s announcement.)

(The door to the Oval Office swings open and in walks Barron William Trump, 14 year-old son of Donald and Melania Trump.)

“Well, look who it is.  Sit down, son.  How long has it been?”

“Mom says it’s been about eight years.”

“Eight years?  No way it’s been that long since I’ve seen you.”

“What?  Oh, sorry.  I thought you were talking about the last time you and mom had sex.”

“So the new school year is starting.  Are you disappointed that it will only be distance learning?”

“Yeah, kind of.  I’ll miss seeing my friends every day, but I can still stay in close contact with Percival Osbourne.”

“Percival Osbourne?  Is he your best friend?”

“Oh, no.  He kind of really hates me, but he’s by far the smartest kid in the school.”

“So why do you need to stay in close contact with him?”

“I have him on retainer to take the SATs for me in a couple of years.”

“Ah.  Good forward planning.  Will you be getting more homework assignments this year?”

“That’s what we’ve been told.  A lot more.  But I have things under control.  Aunt Maryanne has agreed to do a lot of it for me.  She says she has a lot of experience in this area.”

“So what do you like to do in your spare time?”

“I’m really into K-Pop.”

“Really?  Your mother now has this thing for twinkies and you’re into that cake stuff that looks like a lollipop.”

“Those are cake pops, dad.  I’m talking about K-Pop.”

“Oh.  What’s K-Pop?”

“K-Pop stands for Korean pop bands.  You remember Korea - the country that kicked your ass in the coronavirus response.  My favorite K-Pop band is Blackpink.”

“Now I sort of remember.  Didn’t these K-Pop people and their followers screw up the attendance at my Tulsa rally?”

“They sure did.  All of them pitched in when I made the request.”

“Do you have all of their records?”

“Records?  This is not the Stone Age, dad.  Pretty much everything is done through TikTok.  I, and all my friends, couldn’t live without TikTok.”

“Well, son, you’re going to have to.  I’m going to ban TikTok from operating in the U.S. and there’s nothing to be done about it.”

“Dad, did I mention my big writing assignment for this semester at school?  We have to pick one person in our family and write about them in great detail.  I was thinking about picking you.  And Aunt Maryanne and Cousin Mary have agreed to help me.  Now, remind me what you were saying about TikTok?”

“Great social media platform.”

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Megan Bolland